Don’t know if I mentioned Uche or Elvis (where find these jokers only God knows). The 26 year old who has been for want of a better word, bugging me. I find out first of all he’s just too young for me (8 years is a lot and I aint no cougar), second of all he’s just starting his first degree (I have 3 on him), third of all he says things like ‘your age and where you are in your career doesn’t bother me’, which then makes me start to think, and then it starts to bother me. Lastly, he sees me once and we speak on the phone a couple of times yet he misses me, like come on, I left high school almost 16 years ago, and unlike some it was not the best years of my life and I was glad to get out so at the age of 34, I don’t really want to go back again.

So today, he sends me a BBM. I miss you he says, then he says I need some money please (I’m thinking ????), could you lend me some as I am in a fix. For one you don’t know me too tough to be asking me to lend you money.  Secondly, if this is your way of impressing me, it has had the opposite effect, just shows me you are just another broke a** N!%%*, and thirdly I am not anybody’s sugar mummy. Coupled with the fact that I am looking for money for myself to do up my house, and the recent experience that has already left a bitter taste in my mouth I just had to break it down to him. First I asked him what the money was for, he says he was broke, so I say aren’t we all. Then he says, forget, let’s pretend I never ask you for any favour. I don’t know if that was supposed to make me feel bad but I fired out a Benita Special. I say 1. I don’t have any money to borrow to anyone and 2. I am not your sugar money to be giving you money just because you are broke (oh this my mouth, when does it rest…lol). He sends me a response that I made him feel bad and I went too far, he never said I was his sugar mummy. I then deleted the message chat and here I am.

It’s all nonsense, either they want to screw me and be on their way or they want to screw me out of my money, either way they get what they want and f^$£ off and I am left to pick up myself off the ground and start over. Well this time my legs are closed and so is my purse.

As I said I need to be a bit more choosy about the company I keep. I have to lay Asotwehema to rest. Asotwehema is my alter ego, she comes out once I have had too many drinks, she is the one who took Henry’s number (we don’t talk about him, the date was just too disturbing), she also told Bright to call her (another disasterous date), she let Grimm into our lives and also Uche. From now on, I go out, I drink juice, I meet a nice young man with a job and a car (not because I want to be cruising in it but because it is actually a necessity in this country). He has to have been working a while and should be of a respectful standing. Not that I am looking for a rich man, but I have reached a certain stage career wise and I need my equal if not better. With Freddy, we started on the same page and then I kind of galloped ahead, I tried to pull him along with me, he saw it as a threat on his manhood and rather wanted me to come down to where he was. Too much hard work, in my 20s I had the time but in my 30s time is not on my side.

Obviously, I want love, I want a guy who is totally besotted with me and will do anything for me and nothing to hurt me, but in the world we live in, love is not enough.