There’s a particular email that keeps popping up in my inbox. I delete it, and it pops up again sent by somebody else. This is the third time I have received this mail, so today I thought I would share it with you also. Enjoy:
The Managing Director
Foods and Beverages (N) Ltd.,
Ingbo Village Road
13th May, 1975
REF: APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT
I refer to the recent death of the Technical Manager at your company and wish to apply for the replacement of the dead manager.
Each time I apply for employment I am told there is no vacancy but on this one, I have caught you red handed coz I even attended the funeral and all burial proceedings and made sure that he was truly dead before applying. I can remember you saying on the funeral that he will be very difficult to replace, meaning there is no one at the moment. Well, it’s your lucky day, Sir! You already have found the best man for the job so look no more.
It is sad but strategic though, that he has left us, at least now I stand to benefit as he has left a vacancy for me. For that I shall forever be grateful for his timely death. He too always spoke of early retirement and I guess this serves him well too. A deal that benefits all should be the substance of a fine businessman. Ironic, yes but death is truly very fair.
Just imagine, the company no longer has to pay his retirement funds. The company will not have to worry about paying me a relocation allowance because he was my neighbour and it will be easy for me to simply jump over the Durawall into that beautiful big company house. I also took it into my hands to quickly buy a drivers’ licence as I am sure the Toyota 4×4 will also be handed over to me. And sir, don’t even try to cheat me on this one because I even know the mileage reading on that beautiful machine. This just goes on to prove that I am a determined self starter who is attentive to detail. Amiable qualities that speak for themselves.
I am sure that after reading this, there won’t be any need for a CV, just verification if I am up for the challenge. For that sir, I will be sending my pictures taken whilst attending the funeral and burial so that you can see how tough I was and can be when employed. As for my referees, well the same dead manager was my referee so we can safely skip that part.
I only hope there will be no corruption as we are all still mourning! Thanks for advertising at the funeral because I could not have known.
Moses Mubi Kibitbo
P. O. 6662
Lungujja – Saverani
Lagos – Nigeria