I was planning to get Dstv installed as a christmas present to myself. I was told to paint my house instead as she is paying for my kitchen. Ok I’m sure your tired by now of hearing me whine about the mother but I have to let it out and I only have this forum as an outlet.

She makes me angry all the time. I don’t know why, but I can’t help it. Even when she doesn’t say anything she still manages to annoy me. She just stares at me like she is wanting to say something but the words don’t come out, and I know at some point, it will and she does.

All my life I’ve been told by her how good my sister (the one that comes after me) is the model child, she’s so good and how I shouldn’t say anything to hurt her feelings because she is so sensitive. Yet the two of them must feel that I have a heart of steel as they can say anything they want to me, and I should just take it.

Yesterday as I said I took my sister out. It was really difficult thinking of where to take her because I don’t know what she likes. . I asked her what she wanted to do and she said “it’s up to you”. I’m like meet me half way please.

I said to little sister (I say little, she’s 31 going on 61), that I didn’t fancy going to Champs as it is a bit too commercial and she says “why, you used to love it there before” (in a very patronizing tone), I just overlooked that comment. I have been there a couple of times and we were going to go there the last time she came (until the cousin she was staying with whacked a bill on me for drinks that I wasn’t even there to drink, thankfully my other cousin was around to help e out with the bill, scrapped the whole champs plan, but little sister doesn’t see the harm that was done). I didn’t know telling her that going to champs qualified her to pass such a comment.

Sometimes she will go out with friends, I gather she drinks, but I don’t really know because we don’t really socialize on that level. I took her out to Rhapsodys after racking my brain thinking of something she might like. After all that she just ended up last night drinking an over priced sprite. I could have taken her to the petrol station for one of those. If I was to say anything, the mother would obviously take her daughters side.

Today after coming from doing my rounds, I came home had something to eat. I finished and they were in the kitchen causing some kind of catastrophe, so I left my plate on the table with the intention to wash up when they finished (my kitchen has a maximum capacity of 1), the mother tells me to come back and wash up. Its my kitchen, if I want to leave a pile of dirty plates its up to me. I tell her I I will wash up when she is finished. Little sister tells me not to talk to the mother like that. Again, they can come out with any throw away comments and I’m supposed to take it like that, they don’t like my tone and I have to fall down to my knees and beg forgiveness.

I go to my room and there’s laundry on my bed. Nice thought. Well maybe if my storage bins were not being used for something else and the person who took it off the line put it in the laundry basket so I could fold them somewhere, it would be nice but on my bed, it would be better off on the line.

I know I probably sound like an ungrateful teen, but when I come home to used tea bags on the kitchen table, broken handles on mugs, furniture moved around, taking my car for the whole day and leaving barely enough fuel to get me home, not taking the bins out on the weekend I was away resulting in a maggot and ant infestation; and then people acting like the house was bought for them and not like the visitors that they are, it all gets a bit tiring and everything they do even with the best of intentions just becomes irritating. Especially when they don’t care for the way they speak. Just take a few seconds to think about what you say before you say it. Is it necessary, will it cause friction, what’s the worst that could happen if you say it, and what’s the worst that could happen if you don’t. If it’s not that bigger deal, then don’t say it. I know I can say things which can cause friction but I do think of the consequences later. If I said everything that was on my mind, trust me, I would have been arrested by now.

Like this really scruffy looking boy who just stepped up to me. I didn’t tell him to get the f+?* out of my face and go and have a wash and change his clothes and have a haircut before he dared open his mouth to me again. I just looked away. Very simple.

Today, just like the other days I have said nothing, which is dangerous as I am likely to explode, but for today I am keeping my cool, its not worth it. Little sister will be gone soon and next year I can arrange some country visits.

I know they are at home discussing my “mood”, the thought that they are the cause of it will never cross their minds. The mother will say that she is going to live in her uncompleted house because I am treating her so badly. She will not put 2+2 together and see that she gets this same reaction from her husband and youngest daughter because the perfect daughter never treats her badly.

Everyone needs a villain to make sense of why something doesn’t make sense, it is easy for them to see that its me rather than something they have said or done.

I just pray that if I’m ever blessed with a child I will nag her into going out all the time.

This is so not helping my quit smoking campaign I tell you.