I hope that when I have kids and they grow old that they want to actually spend time with me and not do it out of a sense of obligation/guilt/through no choice. I’m feeling a bit run down this morning, I didn’t get much sleep following this cold I still can’t shift and smother is not going anywhere today it seems. Its not even the afternoon yet and it feels like we have been together in the house the whole day already.

Yesterday afternoon on the way back from Osu I stopped for a tonic water to wash down the KFC I had been wolfed down whilst driving instead of waiting to get home to eat (I was that hungry). I placed my order and when and sat in the corner when a quite older gentleman asked me if that’s all I’d be drinking and I should take something stronger like a beer. I’m not really one for beer as a few of them and I’m looking like a bloated whale. He insisted so I said I would take it later. I can’t remember his name even though he told me twice, but he left the money behind the counter and told me he was opening a lab at the A & C Mall before he left. I told the girls to use the money to pay for the tonic water and keep the change. They were happy, I was happy and I went on my way.

I got home and smother started with the interrogation, I had told her where I was going before I left but she was questioning me like she was trying to trip me up. When she was satisfied with the responses to her line of questioning she was quiet for a while. That’s when I made the mistake of showing her the necklace. When I told her it was free she was like Eii, did you pray over it, how can someone just give you it for free. Err, maybe because I have a good spirit and I don’t look for the bad in people all the time. I gave up trying to explain in the end and went to my room.

A little while later I got a call from Rene that she left her bag in my car. I wished she’d realized that when we were back in Osu. Nevermind, I would bring it down later I said. Around 7 I drove back down to the residential area to give her back her bag. They were getting ready to go out for the night. I was supposed to be going out with Ams, we had planned to go to Rockstones office as were they but plans were not finalized so I said I would meet them there. While I was there, my uncle was on the phone. I mentioned earlier that Giles owed my cousin some money for some dj’ing he did and my cousin had said that D should collect the money, give them half and keep the other half. You would have thought that Giles directly owed the old man the money, he told D to give him Giles’ number and he would get the money. Imagine the scene, my uncle calling Giles and telling him “hello, this is Nickie’s father, why is it you don’t want to pay my sons money, anyway I am calling to arrange to collect it”, maybe that would wash at the age of 10 but at 40 something, you don’t need daddy fighting your battles. In fact it would literally turn into a fight. But that’s between them really, I hope he comes up with the goods before she goes. From my small experience spending time with him, I can’t see it happening but I’m just bitter of his treatment of me…lol

I got a text around 8ish from Ama apparently they had gone on impromptu tro-tro ride around Accra. They had told the driver they wanted to go to Shoprite, he took them to Karnashie. The next driver dropped them at Makola, they had eventually got to Accra Mall and her and her friend were so tired and dishevelled they just decided to watch a movie instead. I have to say Ams hasn’t aged much, I think all my friends are the same. We got to 30 and that was it (my football age is 27). Ams like me is heading towards her mid-30s and still single and the eldest child, its so nice to have someone around to share my frustrations if only for a little while. I left them to watch their movie (I wasn’t fit for going anywhere) and headed back home. I stopped at Jerry’s on the way home as my cousin Moz was there with some friends. I don’t know, after living the champagne lifestyle this week, I can’t really do Jerry’s anymore. Just kidding, I still can but not so often, I had a few shots and went home.

I got home and my phone starts ringing, it was Rene, there was not enough room in the car that was supposed to be taking her and D to the club and she wanted me to take her. As I said, I had not committed to anything and to be honest I’m all partied out. As much as I have enjoyed spending time with them, driving all day and all night is not my idea of fun, in fact where possible I would get someone else to drive. Daytime driving you have to deal with crazy driving and crazy traffic, night time driving you have to deal with crazy driving and dim lights. They were going to have to find a plan C (I was there plan B).

Now to this morning. Smother is selling her old stock of hair and other things from her salon (her till, hair products etc). My hall is used as her warehouse. I say nothing, she is my mother after all. There was this curly wig which I used to do my hair, the quality wasn’t that great and to be honest when I had it in, it was for 2 weeks and I took it out as it was just too curly but said I would take it from her as she convinced me that it was nice. Now I gave her the price she should sell to others, and this morning she tells me I owe money for this hair. The price, the same price she is charging others. Ok she doesn’t owe me anything, but if I borrow a cedi, she asks for it back. Yet she has free reign of my car, I buy her credit, she needs money for something I give it to her. I wish I had a bottomless pit of money but I don’t, all I can do is put a roof over your head (she charged me rent when I was back in London), food and bits and pieces for your upkeep, but I wouldn’t expect my own mother to keep account of everything I owe her. Yeah, yeah, the 9 month thing.

On top of that she is getting estimates for things which need to get done around the house, all this is coming from my little salary. At least have a bit of empathy, but no, it feels like she is constantly trying to find ways to dupe me.

Right now, I have hidden out at my cousins house. I feel a bit bad that she’s home alone, but I spend more than 15 minutes with her and the criticism starts. Yes she cares, but there is a way of saying things that will not cause conflict, but she just says it anyhow. The other day she had a guest in the house and I simply asked what happened to the coke in the fridge. It is just the two of us in the house, so she is the obvious person I would ask. “How should I know. I don’t drink coke, why are you asking me”. A simple question gets that kind of answer, so why wonder why I spend my time out of the house or in my room.

I am not saying my style is better or her style is worse but in any relationship there is give and take, she is one of life’s takers. I may have a loud mouth and be moody at times, but if my colleagues are calling me after almost 2 weeks of leave to say they miss me, I must be doing something right. Only little sis calls smother, youngest sis and my dad don’t bother, they are just grateful for the peace, now that’s saying something.

Unfortunately for smother she thinks she can recoup whatever is lost with her relationship with my father through her children, at the same time treating us in the same way she does her husband, rather than trying to rebuild what she has with him, why because she thinks she is right and he is wrong. She is waiting for the day he apologises for all the wrong he did, he’s waiting to go back to his hometown and start his life again. I can see what the issue is, she cannot. Sad.

Life is a continuous education. As I said I am not perfect but I periodically sit back and assess my life to make sure I am on the right track. Haven’t got the boy thing right yet but with my other relationships I think I’m ok. I hope my mum does the same before she goes back. But somehow, she will go back to her life in london, look back and say I am an ungrateful child. I can see it now.

So all I can do is pray and make sure when my time comes my children actually like me and not just put up with me because I carried them for 9 months. I also pray one day that she can at least meet the world half way and we can find some common ground that we can at least spend an hour together where I can actually say she’s alright she is. I remember there was a time she was alright, there was a time when her and my dad also got along.

One day.