So I went to excel last night (I’ve been saying XL but it is actually Excel). Left Famphys at around 10.45 for Ams house, not knowing that she was staying at her auntie’s house which was literally right next door to the spot, good start to the night.

We made our way to Excel before 12 to take advantage of the cheaper gate fee, but when we got there the place was dead, a few cars and the bouncers were hanging around. We spoke to the bouncer who told us that we should go and come back later and that the place is usually jamming at around 1, we had to go pick up another girl from the mall so we said fine, he told us that if there was 4 of us we could pay for 2 that sounded like a good plan.

We drove round to the mall. I took a U turn as I reversed back round this idiot who was driving at top speed must have felt that if he drove fast enough his car would fly over mine or something. My blood suddenly turned cold and I froze. Was this guy going to stop. He did, within an inch of my car. It was only God that saved us otherwise Ams would have been seriously hurt. I know the hospital was just behind us but my Lord, this guy must have been high on something. I don’t know where he was in a hurry to go to that he couldn’t wait for me to turn around but I just thank God that neither us or the car were damaged. As usual, Ghana man, instead of taking responsibility for his recklessness, he rather started waving his hands and hurling insults. It is with a prayer that you can get around Ghana, especially in the night I tell you.

We finally made our way to the mall a little bit shaken up but intact all the same. Rhapsodys was jam packed, even if we wanted to go in we wouldn’t have stood a chance. The club was bursting at the seams and there was a queue of people still waiting to get in. We found the lady we came to pick up. Another Ilford girl, I remember her from back in the day, I’m sure we used to hang out at the local youth centre. Time has treated her well also, it must be something in that Ilford air. She was staying in Tema and the cab driver had given her the tourist rate plus wouldn’t even drop her at the club. Apparently she was charged 70ghs one time to go from where she was staying to La Palm, it would be cheaper to stay at a guest house in Accra to be charged that amount every time you travel. Taxi drivers, everyone thinks he’s smarter than the next man and it’s not that he would use that 70ghs for anything better. In one night he would blow it on fufu and booze and the next day will hungrily go looking for his next victim to con out of their hard earned cash. Africa. All over the world people think about accommodation and once that is sorted will consider travel. Here, a car is a necessity, you can bunk down on a relatives sofa for a while but until you have sorted some means of a vehicle you will fall fowl to the prowess of the taxi driver.

We made our way back to Excel. We thought that we might as well sit and wait for the club to get full rather than drive around spending unnecessary gate fee monies only to come back and we can’t get in because it was too packed. We met the bouncer who reiterated that we could pay for 2 people. However whereas when we first arrived the full fee was 20ghs it has now gone up to 30ghs because it was now after 12, meaning we would have to pay 60ghs between us. After confusing the man with the laws of contract formation and the consequences of misrepresentation (that GDL does come in handy once in a while), the bouncer got tired and said we should just pay the 40 and go in.

We ordered a drink and sat down. 5ghs for a bottle of water and 25ghs for two shots of brandy and coke. I settled on a cocktail which at 15ghs is pretty standard for this area and Ams had a 5ghs bottle of fanta. We took a seat. Now there was no “reserved” on the table. Had it been there we would have not sat down. However as the club was getting full a waitress came over to the table and told us that the table was booked. Customer service being at its not so best, the waitress having failed to move us along brings over one of the bouncers to turf us out. A big bald fella, she didn’t bank on the fact that I knew him. He is the bodyguard of the man that owns Granada hotel, I gave him a hug and wished him a happy new year and told him that we would move along but not just yet. He said that the table was reserved for people who bought bottles and apologised for the fact that there was no sign. I then turned around to see one of D’s friends who I have bumped into at every club now, he had a bottle of brandy, so I asked him to put his bottle down on our table. He did one better and bought us a bottle of wine. My cheeky self asked if he would turn that wine into a bottle of champagne. Well if you don’t ask. He got us a bottle of red which I thought was very sweet considering he hardly knew me and didn’t know the girls I was with.

The bouncer came back over, I said that there is now a bottle on the table. He asked which waitress served me. He then brought out a succession of girls asking “is this the one”, no, no and err no. He then gave up and walked off. A little while later we got up and departed the table to another part of the club. Hey we were planning to move but pride prevented us from being tossed out like villagers.

At about 3 o’clock me and Ams decided to make a move, we were both feeling hungry so went to go find something to chop. The other two girls said they would stay on so we said our goodbyes, went over to D’s friend to thank him once again it really was a nice thing he did, and left. We should have really gone to Tantra and got a burger but I wanted to find somewhere closer to home so we stopped at Jerry’s. When we got there though, the place was closed. Almost everyone had gone apart from a few lingerers, and the kebab guy and akomfem (guinea fowl) guy had packed up for the night. There was an old dude and a slightly younger guy seated and they asked us what we would like to drink. We said we were really hungry, and a lady who kind of appeared out of nowhere told us where we could get something. The old dude said he would give her money to get a taxi to buy us Jollof rice and chicken. Turns out the old dude was Jerry. The Jerry’s who owned the bar. I must say a very nice man. He offered us a drink once again, and we sat there chatting while waiting on this food. The younger guy (I forget his name) was a lawyer in the UK but relocated to Ghana where he was running his own business. He took a real shine to Ams who was totally oblivious to it all. I noticed because I hardly said a word while the two of them were chatting away. It took almost an hour before the food actually came but it was cool as the company was great and I got to meet Jerry himself. From the sounds of it, he used to live in Europe, Germany I think and came back down, with a very simple idea but is racking it in. His is just a container spot with an outside seating area. Nothing to look at. Looks like a slum compared to somewhere like Rhapsodys, but the place is full every night. It is not just “local” people that frequent this place, a lot of expats go there as well. My Nigerian colleague said he has met our factory manager on more than one occasion. If you are not looking for a fancy cocktail but a beer and some kebabs, it is cool. Jerry himself is quite an articulate gentleman, tall with silver hair and moustache, I am sure he has broken a few hearts in his time.

We finished our food, chatted some more and eventually went home. It was 5 o’clock when I finally said hello to my bed. I have been in it more or less ever since. The cleaning fairy did not come over while I was sleeping it seems so I am calculating at exactly what point I will get up off my lazy but and start cleaning.

Until then I am consoling myself with can of coke and season 3 of Private Practise.

As for tonight. I have filled my quota of going out, a cup of tea and then bed I think. My mum who swears by soya milk and will not drink anything else is making good use of the free evaporated milk I got in my christmas package. I have to laugh about that one.

Until the next time.