Ok so maybe its the medicine, the boredom of being at home with no entertainment or a combination, but I’m down. I had a little têt a têt with somebody yesterday, who read my blog, wasn’t very happy with the way they had been portrayed (well you can’t please everyone), and it spiralled into years of suppressed anger towards each other coming out, but well life can be a soap opera but is not one if you get my meaning. Whereas in Eastenders or Emmerdale it doesn’t take long before feelings come to the surface in real life well some things may only come out (if ever) once the person has gone to their grave.
But I digress. One thing that struck a nerve was this person’s interpretation of is my lifestyle. I was told that I had broken almost all the 10 commandments and I come across like I’m proud of it. Knowing this person as well as I do, I know she is talking about the encounters I have had with the various men I have met (cos I am certain it has nothing to do with the lights off, or Accra traffic). So I just want to make something clear.
I have always been a romantic. I love the idea of being in love. For this reason I don’t have the time to play games, be coy and all that crap. I feel that why wait. If you love someone, why do you have to jump through all those hoops. But saying that, I have dated a lot like a lot of guys since I got here, but I can count the ones that I have been more than just friends with so before you go labelling me a Jezebel, really I am not a live character from Melrose Place or the Bold and the Beautiful.
What I do plan for myself this 2012 is this. If he looks like a con, he most likely is a con. It is no bearing on me. An Ashawo is an ashawo who cannot be changed, at least not by me. Secondly, I need to have inner confidence to match the outer one. You see, when I was at school (bring the violins out), I wasn’t really noticed as I was a bit of a geek, had my first real boyfriend at 24 and well I didn’t really understand why ladies who endure emotional/physical abuse from their partners stuck around, but you will never know how you will react until you are in the situation. But I did get out, unfortunately I have continued the same pattern. My gut tells me “run” but I listen to my ovaries instead (I would say heart but let’s face it the desire to settle down is coming from the desire to have kids). Then just like that he’s come and he’s gone. Trust me if I was really looking to break the 10 commandments I would have paid off my house, done all the fixtures and fittings and wouldn’t be complaining about electricity as I would have a generator set. This is purely poor judgement and thinking that everyone is the one.
Its taken me 35 years, a relocation of thousands of miles and 24 hours without electricity for me to get it but I do. So 2012 I’m going to be myself, but be a bit more cautious. A man, whether in UK, US or Ghana is a man, there is good, there is bad, there is somewhere in between and there are the greedy ones who have their wife at home and are just on the prowl. They are quite easy to detect and they sniff out ladies wearing the scent “au de desperation”. So I have showered off that scent and moving forward.
2012 is going to be a good year…can I hear an Amen!