The past should stay in the past…

So it’s a waiting game at the moment. It has been confirmed that I will move to marketing to become a brand manager, but my move is dependant on the plan for the current brand manager. I am thinking June when the changes to the business take affect so in the meantime, I think I will take a quick tour of the region, say my goodbye’s and collect some per diem while I’m at it.

I haven’t been as active on facebook at the moment, far too busy, with the job, being elected project leader for the relocation project and other things, I barely have enough time to post anything, (I used to post every two seconds back in the day). But I did come across a discussion from one lady, she is dating a guy and they are considering marriage. The guy asked her how many partners she had been with, she lied about the number as she had been with a few more guys then she felt he would care to know. But she felt more uncomfortable that he asked such a question.

So, what is the added value of knowing your partner’s past. Especially if you feel that you have found “the one”. At the end of the day, whether he/she has been with 2 or 20, considering the person is keeping it real and the person is of the character you feel is what you want in a life partner, unless he/she was trading in the sex business in their past. What does it matter?

I’ve been with a few, not a lot but I make no suggestions that I’m a virgin. Apart from a moment of madness and a rebound job, I have never been one to meet a man in a club and say I just want that guy for the night and then dash him away. On the contrary, I went into each relationship eyes firmly shut thinking this is the one. Is it my fault that they turned out to be a liar, a cheat, a lazy git and emotionally devoid of any kind of human feeling. There’s a reason why I am not with my first true love and there is a reason I am not with the last. So for what reason do I need to divulge my past indiscretions. For the guy who I am relaying this information to, he’s just going to hear the figure and jump to his own conclusion, my explanation of accounts would be overridden by the fact that the number may be a lot higher than his.

He would be wondering, why did this girl give it up so easily without looking at the rationale. Girl meets guy, guy chases girl for a year or more, guy finally gets girl, then guy reveals later that he’s not separated but very much married, or guy gets girl and tells girl he’s actually engaged to be married, or guy gets girl then tells her that actually, he’s not the settling down type.

For the girl in this situation, and some guys, there is the insecurity of it all. Is she better looking then me. Is she still on the scene. Does she want him back. Could she snatch him from me.

No, we all have our pasts. We didn’t fall out from the sky. There was someone(s) before but hopefully none after. We don’t know our future, we can’t control what happened in the past. All we can do is make good use of the present. So look to the here and now. Is that person someone you can be proud to take their hand, can they be introduced to mummy, can they hang out with your friends. Is that person the one you want to wake up in the morning to. If the answer is yes, what’s the point in dredging up old wounds. Move on, get married, have babies, be happy. Leave the past where it is.

About efiasworld

A British Born Ghanaian navigating her way through life.
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