If you didn’t get it by now from my previous post, I got duped by a guy with a fake accent. This is how I know that I was really not in my right mind. I mean, and I say this without disrespect. But he was a bullshitter, he is the type of guy that could convince you that you were riding a mercedes when you were in fact in a kia piccanto. Then if you get annoyed and ask for your money back, he’d be out the door. If you had ever watched the show Only Fools and Horses, you would know the type of guy I mean.
To be honest, at first, he was just something to while away time. Loneliness is a bitch, especially without my sister there to give them the once over, she makes me look like a pushover, you will have to jump through so many hoops before you can open that door. But I was getting the attention, he was easy on the eye, I was following my rules and things were going great. Then somewhere along the line I must have got it in my head that this guy was a responsible human being and agreed to get serious with him. Here’s where I learned my new rule. Never date a guy who is dumber than you are, because just like the ugly guy, man is going to have ideas above his station and there you go.
Now when I say he is dumb, I don’t mean to be rude, but he is not the brightest tool in the box. We used to hang out in this spot called Famphy and you know the clientelle are not amongst the most intellectual so he could get away with whatever nonsense he would talk about (if I actually remembered anything we did talk about I would just be deceiving you). But I don’t think that you could put him amongst intellectuals and he would feel comfortable. He told me that he had a degree in Building Construction or something like that, he would talk stuff but I didn’t get it, turns out it was actually the equivalent of a b-tech. Now I know it was a while since I was at school but isn’t that’s not even a full A-Level. He told me he was 35, I find out later he’s only 32. He told me he had a kid, I find out later he has another one somewhere, I don’t know if the mother refuses him to see the child or he is that irresponsible, but put it this way, he is not forthcoming with the truth.
So it was going on for a while, then the guy was like he wants to marry me. I’m like, alright mate, if you say so. He was saying it for months, “Mrs Asare” he used to say, and I’d turn around and ask if his mother was around, I’d heard it all before so really it wasn’t such a big deal. So my dad rolls into town and he says he is going to do the knocking, I still didn’t believe him until the day came and he actually did it (remember I thought he was a bullshitter but I didn’t know at that point that he was an out and out dishonest, deceitful, small minded little man).
It seems like the knocking was the peak of the relationship and it started going downhill from there. What I do know, is the most dangerous man, is a blunt instrument who thinks he’s the smartest tool in the box. Now previously, if he couldn’t make an appointment, he would call, but most of the time he would try and be considerate. Now, Nigga didn’t give a damn, and worst of all, 9 times out of 10 he would borrow my car, use it for days and of course bring me an empty tank back. Lots of promises were made, he would fix the A-C in my car, he would sort out my generator, he would pay my cleaner. Today I drive with the windows down, if there is light-off it is me and the mosquitoes and I have asked my cleaner to return when God willing my salary suffices. But he was very fond of telling me about the days that he ‘used’ to have money.
Now, discussion goes to the wedding, now this is supposed to be my day, I’ll not get into the long story but basically, he wanted to do a quicky wedding in a court house then a big bash in the evening. Why, his words were “my friend didn’t give his wife an engagement ring until their 5th year anniversary”. Now please anyone, if you see the correlation between the two, please let me know because I just don’t get it. When I told him I wanted to get married in church, that should have been the first sign, because that was when I saw the evil spirit come out. “You and your mother arrange it and then send me the bill” he said in a really angry voice. But I ignored it.
Now we go to the first counselling session, we’d already had an argument the day before because we had arranged to see my aunt, but all of a sudden something came up, then I find out later, he found time to deal with another thing that came up, which took obviously the whole day and night, and I sent him a text to say he wasn’t ready for marriage. We didn’t talk until the next day when I called him to ask if he was coming, and his response was “but didn’t you send me that message yesterday”. Now nigga, if I am wrong, tell me I am wrong, but then why prove me right by refusing to go to the counseling. Well he decided to turn up in the end, and what was his question to the counselor who is catholic, who runs a counseling session in a catholic church. “What’s wrong with having a court house wedding, then do a blessing later”. So she explained to him that it is not recognized by the church which would mean we are living in sin and all that goes along with it. Now, Nana likes when someone agrees with him so he can say “even so and so agrees”. Something told me that would be the last counseling session that he would attend. I was right. The second one “something came up” by the third one we were barely on speaking terms.
In parallel to this, he had the bright idea that I should go to America, because his dad the doctor (who is actually a nurse) said I would have no problem with a job or accommodation. When I said I wasn’t to comfortable, the devil came back. (He later asked me if I was so insecure to leave him, this is a guy with no job, a hustler, who drives an Opel from 20 years ago, who still lives at home with his mum). Like why would I want to be an illegal immigrant in America, and well Ghanaians brag, they will tell you it’s not a problem and when you get there it’s a different story. At least here, I am a bum living in my own house.
So, anyway, on the third week, I found a lump in a very unusual place, that day I had no money, my line had been cut, I thought nigga may just call me then I could ask him to take me to the hospital to get it checked out. He didn’t, really I just assumed he was busy doing whatever he did to make money, he’s now a project manager for people building houses, doing his own business as he put it. So I went to the petrol station, borrowed gas, then went by his house, I didn’t see his car so I drove on to find the money elsewhere, cos I was in pain. So I didn’t hear from him that day, I didn’t hear from him the next day. So eventually I got some cash to buy credit, he picks up and I say oh don’t you want to know what’s happened to me, he said he didn’t care because if I wanted him to care I would have knocked on his gate, but he heard I went to Famphy to get a drink on his name. Then he put the phone down on me. It took me two days to get angry, it would have been shorter but I was in a bit of pain. Then I called him, he was at a festival having fun. So I’m thinking, this guy really doesn’t care. So I let rip…yes I went straight up ghetto and I guess the frustrations I had put aside as not a big deal also came out. But the next day, I apologised, I thought I may have gone a bit too ghetto so I may have gone too far, nigga wasn’t phased.
So then he tells me he wants to go on a break, not because of the argument but because I want too much of his time, because I didn’t want to go to America, and some other stuff, the actual reason for the break changed every time we discussed it, and that’s when I left. Oh yes, and apparently I should be grateful that even if he doesn’t turn up when he is supposed to, he does, and he takes me to Famphy. Like say you took me to Golden Tulip once and I will be happy, but a place where the drinks are 1.50ghs, and the only cocktail they do is a mix of madingo, alomo, lime (the last shot escapes me everytime). No. Then he says he was GOING to pay my mortgage but because of MY behaviour he decided not to. Thanks mate, you tell everyone that you have got a good heart (he told me like at least once a day), but you would allow the girl who at one point you planned to marry to be out on the streets. Logical. The last time he gave a reason for the break, was when I was in London. I had been through a whole lot of medication and after making me take a biopsy for the lump (which thankfully I got the all clear), I decided not to talk to him for a few days because really he was half the reason I was in that state in the first place. I finally call him back, and he tells me that the reason for the break is because of something I said THREE days before the knocking, but he thought I would change. So I asked what, and then he responds and before I could say anything he said “check your phone”. So I’m like first of all, I don’t hang on to bitterness like it is a baby but I said it, but it was 2 days after I found the lump. He then says I shouldn’t make my illness an excuse. Then he cut me off and I didn’t hear from me again.
So I come back now, all refreshed and looking blinging thanks to the love of my parents and siblings. We have seen each other on a few occasions, but he’s doing his thing and I’m doing mine.
Then last week I meet a young lady. We have a few things in common, both from abroad, both like a drink and the odd fag, she has her own place, we are the same age, both have foreign passports. She doesn’t know me, but she does know Nana. Apparently they were supposed to go to a funeral that day but he didn’t show. Apparently, Nana had set her up with a friend, but he started to like her, it sounded like they were friends with benefits I don’t know but judging by his MO his fickle little mind had wondered elsewhere and I just gave him the ammunition to be able to break free. He had actually called me the night before and said he was going to come and see me, but then I think he remembered their arrangement, got himself confused and went home.
So his plan I hear was to ignore me until I eventually disappeared so he can get away with not having to take back the drinks and explain (or lie) why he wasted everybody’s God damn time. Which is why he got annoyed when I explained everything to his Dad. Sorry, but I am not going to be ignored. Be a man, face up to your responsibility. Like he got insulted when I said something like “you are going to ignore me (which he was doing) and then I am going to have to lie down and….when you think it’s all good again” or something like that. Like why get insulted when that’s what you do… I don’t know.
But anyway, my ego is a bit sore, and I am really quite annoyed that he is still walking on this earth, but I will get over it. I honestly thought at some point he has the potential to bring himself up, but lower your standards and that’s what you get. I also thought ok, he is slightly unfocused, but he’s nice and we can work on the rest, but all he is, is a deceitful, dishonest, egocentric, egomaniac.
But I can’t blame him totally, what is it they say, the devil makes work for idle hands. Had I been working and not in an unemployed funk, I probably would have seen him for the bullshitter he was and stayed away from him. Smother says it’s all experience. I think I have had enough of experiences now…all I want is a guy without an agenda, who holds an intelligent conversation and can see past his nose. Is it too much to ask.
i believe this is not the first bullshitter u have had or messed with, and then u talk about experience, in Ghana we say experience is the best teacher, but if after a couple bullshitters u still find urself having them around , then ur experience can best be described as an accumulation of mistakes madam beautiful blogger.
Nii thank you for your comment…truthfully I think about it now and I feel like with this experience precisely I got caught up in the whole idea of getting married and it has made me realise that I shouldn’t have raised my standards. Loneliness can be a bitch but every experience whether good or bad or repeat is a lesson learned. We are all human and we are all searching for love (well most of us anyway). It has taught me life is too short. Go with your first instinct plus patience.
Also it has taught me that there is someone who will love me for me and that I should not lower my standards if the other person refuses to raise theirs.
I still believe in happy ever after (or as good as it gets). But I always believe that someone else also has their life experience and opinions so I appreciate your. Cheers x
Like a moth to a flame..
I’m not a fan of them but – there’s a reason there’s arranged marriages and this is one of them. Maybe you’re not learning the right lesson from these “bullshitter” teachers and they’re really good teachers. A lesson like: Your instinct needs some calibrating.
“As good as it gets” is a good place. I don’t think that’s something a picky person would say.
I have thought about the whole arranged marriage myself. Alas I have asked family members for an “introduction” but still waiting and loneliness has a habit of allowing ones judgement and instinct go down the drain. I might just join a convent if they will have me….lol