The Cost of Loneliness – another tale

It’s the end of the first quarter, and Easter has come and gone, and I am officially single and unemployed. The job, well I saw it coming, it had been 6 weeks, I hadn’t made any money and my suggestions to improve the business were misinterpreted as insubordination. I did not call the operations manager Mr Wireko like the others, but by his first name, and well, my heart wasn’t really in it. It was a stop gap and I was planning to leave anyway, it just happened sooner rather than later and without pay, oh well, on a plus, it looks like I will be back at work for a multinational again in a couple of weeks so I have something to look forward to. Me and local companies, not a good mix.

So the other issue, well it was over months ago, but because of the whole knocking thing, families got involved. I gave him the chance to take his drinks back, I got up and was going to give it back to them, but his uncle said we should take more time. Just as I predicted though, the next day Nana Appiah Owusus Asare (if you meet him, don’t make eye contact…lol) calls to say that he quits the relationship. Now I would have had more respect for him if he had said he just wanted out. However, he decided to do his usual distortion of the truth route and told my family that it is because since I came back from London, I have been drinking too much. He also implied that there was something going on with his friend. A friend who recently had a newborn baby, who is always complaining that his money goes on Nan1 and pampers. His friend who owns the bar where my ex himself frequents for a “full dose” (1 shot of Madingo, 1 shot of Herb Afrique, 1 shot of Alomo bitters topped off with a shot of lime). The same spot that he told me that I should be grateful, because even if he turned up later than he told me, he would take me to this spot “on a date”.

So now, after some serious fasting and prayers and a lecture on sitting in spots, I have put this whole sorry episode behind me. Who knows what would have happened once a ring was put on it. I should have known when he told me about the 1st kid omitting to tell me about the 2nd, and I think there is a 3rd kid out there if the rumours are true. I always knew that there were a few fuses blown in that brain of his, but now I think it is a total lights off. When I look back at the conversations we had, I cannot say we had any deep and meaningful conversations, in fact half the time I was confused because he never made sense. I mean who says we should get married at a court house and have a church blessing later, because his friend did not buy his wife an engagement ring until 5 years later (where is the correlation). What is the difference between an engagement the day before and the wedding the day after, just because you know people, but you want to have a party anyway, because you know people. Then who compares the fact that he is not talking to you with your cousin’s marital situation (apparently they were not talking for 8 months, I never even knew and that was actually my cousin). Who takes you to a party, hugs up on another girl, kisses the girl, and then tells you that it was just a peck so why are you starting an argument. Really, I wish him well in that parallel universe where everything he does makes sense because I nearly had a total breakdown figuring out why he was just so dumb, to the point where I snapped.

But anyway, we have done the post-official breakup see each other, the first time was when I stopped for a water at this spot where I like to get drunk and sleep with married men. He was there with some friends of mine, and his friend Yaa. I didn’t look in his direction and said hello to the friends and left. Apparently after, he implied that a conversation she had with me (when she didn’t know we were ever together) was the reason I wasn’t speaking to them, because obviously there is always someone else to blame for the problems he created. Nothing to do with the fact that he called me a liar (twice) then told me that “he is not the first guy to dump me” and then spoiled my name to our entire family, all over the phone like some cheap girl that he was just having a fling with. Well anyway, I got a chance to clear it up with her the second time at a friend’s birthday lunch. Well to be honest, I didn’t even know it was her sitting there because as I wasn’t looking in that direction. But I do think they are having sex though.

From what my friend says the girl is quite lonely, and she seems to go for the type that have multiple girls because they are fit and tall and buff. Coupled with the fact that when I got there they were chatting and the moment he saw me, he became the busiest man on earth, walking around and serving drinks.

Loneliness takes you to places you may never find yourself. A married guy, a sociopathic liar, sometimes you just want that intimacy and well when you get the attention somehow you convince yourself in your head that it is ok, and well provided that you don’t get too emotionally attached, it is ok but that’s the thing. Are we ladies capable of not getting too attached.

When I think about those months with this guy, I knew he wasn’t a serious guy, I knew he was irresponsible. I mean, he lives with mummy, mummy is raising his first child, I didn’t quite catch what happened with the second child (it was a long story and I drifted off). Just like my job, he was the stop-gap guy, someone to keep me busy while I got myself back on track, but somewhere along the line, emotions got involved and I thought that he could be responsible. But then just like the job I had this year, it went south before I knew it, basically because I couldn’t understand the lies and the BS that came out of his mouth, but that was him all over. But that was him and it wasn’t for me to change him, rather for me to not get emotionally attached. I am not disputing that he is a nice guy, and when you need someone to make jokes and talk shit, he never disappoints. If you are hungry and he has money in his pocket, he will buy you banku and fish. However as a responsible adult who is there to take care of your emotional needs, I don’t think he is there yet. He has the body of a 32 year old (although he told me he was 35), but the mental age of a 10 year old mummy’s boy. It may sound bitter, but honestly, bitter would be saying he is a complete asshole and I wish he would do the female population a favour and leave it. But I don’t, I just make honest observations. Something that becomes a cause for arguments when you are with someone who wouldn’t know honest if it slapped him in the face.

Really, I shouldn’t have even gone there at all, I should have just left well enough alone.

But oh well, lesson learned, the price of loneliness, sometimes it can prove more expensive than it is actually worth.

About efiasworld

A British Born Ghanaian navigating her way through life.
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