I am thinking maybe I may disconnect my DSTv package once the smother goes back. She is fixated on the Latin America soap opera channel anyway so I have got used to watching any of my programmes online. Plus I get more than enough action at my local. It is like being an extra in Eastenders most days, every time I frequent this pub there is a new storyline.

I am not one to talk other people’s business, but these people have made it so public that I may as well share their stories with you.

First of all there is the Indomie seller. A few weeks back I passed by in the evening for a quick one, and I on arrival I saw that a group of people were sitting in my spot (yes I have my own reserved area). There were 2 ladies, a toddler, a teenager and a couple of guys that I knew. So I walked over, not knowing they were waiting for me. Apparently, the teenager was a family member of the Indomie seller who had come from her village to stay with her in Accra. Turns out that the teenager was pregnant and they wanted my advice, I had to laugh because I can barely look after myself let alone give advice on this matter. So anyway, I asked the young lady what she wanted to do, she didn’t look that far gone until they dropped the bomb that she was 6-7 months pregnant. One of those skinny bitches that you couldn’t really tell was pregnant let alone that far down the line. What concerned though is that she had not gone for any pre-natal care, and apparently the boy who knocked her up didn’t really care too much for her. He had told the young girl to go stay by his mother, if not he couldn’t help her. The boy from what I could gather doesn’t even have a pot to piss in, lives with his brother and is an apprentice mechanic. I don’t know what he had to offer her, apart from the obvious, but I am not even sure he had ever even bought her so much as 2 cedi phone credit.

The girl did go and stay with the mother, but was expected to go to the farm every day. She stayed there for a while before running to Accra where she stayed with her aunt the Indomie seller (neglecting to tell her aunt that she was pregnant).

Now Auntie Indomie, she already had her own problems. She has a baby boy who she takes care of and seems that her husband likes to spread the love to every girl who gives him the chance and she literally sells her food with the boy strapped to her back. To take in this girl would be an extra burden to her already tight budget. We concluded that the young girl would go to her mother, and the two families would have to hash it out. I thought that was the end of the topic until Auntie Indomie starts calculating how much it would cost to send the girl back and a bit of spending money. She said it would cost roughly 50Ghs, and then she says “where am I going to find that money”. She repeats this like three or four times. I am thinking, don’t look at me, I haven’t even received a salary yet, and not to be harsh, but I wasn’t the one who knocked her up.
The table went silent for a while, and when they realised that the free advice had been given so the rest was up to them. They got up and left. I saw the girl a few times, walking past the spot, very pretty little girl, I hope that she gets her act together and history doesn’t repeat itself. I hope she also thinks twice the next time a young man asks her to come over to listen to music or whatever tactic he used to get her. Auntie Indomie continues to sell her food and look after her young one. She has a good heart, but I know black folk, once you take on this responsibility, if for any reason she couldn’t provide, even the girls own mother would talk smack about the lady. So it is better they take care of their own and she do what she can when she can.
The second storyline comes from a young man I will call Andy. Andy is a tall lanky guy who I got to know through his brother in law, who is probably at the spot almost every day. Andy doesn’t work, lives with his uncle and hopes his uncle will help him travel to Europe. Andy drinks, he smokes and on occasion takes something a little bit stronger than cigarettes. He’s a nice guy, but in my opinion as far away from God’s gift to woman as a man can be. Nonetheless he has ladies fighting over him.

There is Alison, I think the two are in one of those toxic relationships where they can’t be with each other but neither can they break apart. One will cheat on the other, sometimes with people close to home, like the others cousin or best friend. Then they get back together, and then they argue, it is really a whole concert of its own. Where Alison is the main squeeze, Ama is trying to get in there. Ama is the bar girl at our local, she always looks like she is chewing on sour grapefruit and very whiney. Ama grew up in Nigeria and has picked up that aggressive character, even when she takes my order she looks like someone is forcing her to do so. One of the only people she softens up for is Andy.

The other day, Alison made an appearance at the spot, she was the former bar girl but left because her boss tried to pimp her out to some of the customers. I do hear though she did get quite a bit out of these “clients” although I can neither confirm nor deny whether they were gifts or payment in kind. What I do know is that there is a boutique which probably had its most sales during the time Alison was working next door at the spot. But I digress.

So Alison was around and went into the boutique to speak to her friend, Ama had gone to buy corn and Andy was standing by the bar entrance. Ama appears out of nowhere chewing her corn and she moves in on Andy, placing the corn on his lips to chew some. I am thinking, ummm, hmm. Although he ate the corn, he claims that is as far as bodily fluids have been exchanged. I say whatever floats your boat mate, none of my business.
In between the Alison and Ama saga there is there is also some random girl who is a single parent and I believe the town bike. Bike is his cousins bit on the side and Andy slept with her out of retaliation for an argument he had with his cousin.

The final drama is between Ama and my friend Kwaku. For many years Kwaku racks up a bill during the week and pays at the end of the week. This time it had been 2 weeks but he was still coming over every day so you know he wasn’t about to run off over it.

So I get there late last week after work and order my drink. She brings the drink over and says “are you going to pay for this drink because my boss said if you don’t pay the bill I shouldn’t serve you because the bill is over 50GHS”. I looked at her, then asked her very calmly and asked her if she wants me to stop coming here. She said no. I gave her the 2 cedis for the drink I bought and left it at that. I wasn’t going to argue with the little twit, it would be better if I took it up with the manager who could actually do something about it.
A few minutes later her boss arrived and as if he read my mind came straight over and apologised for her behaviour. Apparently she had called him to tell him that she asked me about the bill and I got vexed. So anyway I told him what happened and told him to speak to the girl. She is like 19 years old and really we are not the same size or class.

An hour later Kwaku comes in and I tell him what happened, not knowing that he had been reminded of the bill the night before. Well what happened next, I will not go into details but she got a dressing down from head to toe. For literally 20 minutes it was like he lectured the girl and the more he talked the louder his voice raised. Even I got embarrassed for the girl at one point. But kids of today, they are so fearless and so rude. She did deserve it.

Well Kwaku has now boycotted the pub so that means I have to buy my own drinks…haha
In 3 years I have seen 4 changes of management and every day there is some new drama. I don’t think I can stop going there even if I tried. It’s better than TV.