Work has taken over my life these days, my boss feels that if she isn’t working me every minute of my 35 hours a week, then I am not working hard enough. She however spends most of her days on the internet giving us Facebook updates and giving us the latest news from the BBC.

My only day of socialisation is actually Sunday at church, I do enjoy it, it’s not one of those that you go in with £100 and end up owing an additional £500 because you are obliged to give a donation for the harvest, fundraising day, pledge etc. Two hours, and one collection, take in the word and go on your merry way. There is a mix of people, mainly married couples with young families, there’s not that many people but it has a family vibe.

At first, nobody used to really talk to me apart from Hello and Goodbye, I think it is because the people there are almost all Ghanaians and with English not being their first (or even second or third), speaking brofu can being tiresome (I say this in jest). However as time has gone on and I am actually going there regularly, I am starting to make friends. I know have extended brothers, sisters, mum’s and dad’s and you know with Ghanaians, once you are part of them, they are all up in your business, in a nice way but they feel that they have to somehow fix your situation. First item on the agenda, find me a husband.

One “brother” took it upon himself to find me a guy. I feel like such a bitch for what I am about to say, but I cannot tell a lie, I can only be totally honest, I think that everyone has their path and some are using the same road as you, others are using a totally different route, but just because you have one thing in common, it doesn’t mean that you are compatible.

This brother set me up with a guy who I am going to call Adam. Adam lives in Tema and is a tailor, not your Ozwald Boateng type of tailor, the guy who you would call when you need an outfit on the cheap tailor. Now don’t get me wrong, a man’s profession isn’t a deal breaker, but as much as I like roadside waakye, I also like to eat out once in a while, and although I am not a frivolous spender, I have hustled in Ghana and I don’t want to go through that again. Furthermore, I am in no way boasting, but I am doing ok for myself, not rich, but not wanting for anything and I am at a point in my life that even though I would love the white wedding with a reception at a swanky hotel and the mini me’s, if it doesn’t happen, I have survived this far on my own, so I need someone to add value to what I have. I don’t think he can do that (before you jump in, read on to make judgement).

When I saw his picture on WhatsApp, well put it this way, I thought to myself he needs to have a fantastically brilliant personality for this to go anywhere. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not looking for someone stunningly attractive, but there needs to be something that one can say “ok, I can work with this”. There was nothing except crickets and tumbleweed. However, my brother had stuck his neck out so I had a conversation with him. His English, well, not the best, probably as good as my twi, plus he kept saying “please” at the beginning of a sentence, “please, how are you”, “please I am fine”, “please how is your day going”. I don’t boast to have the best grammar, and I know that the akan language is very polite and so they do say please a lot, but in the English language, it just sounds like you are begging. I know a lot of Ghanaians, born and bred in Ghana, and I know that they know not to use the word please at the beginning of EVERY sentence so no, even if he managed to change my mind about the points above, conversation was just awkward and annoying. He also kept referring to me as babe. We don’t know each other like that, even when my sister’s call me babes, I am like “who is your babe”.

The third problem was him calling me on a Monday morning. One thing you don’t do is call on a Monday, send a WhatsApp, send a text, but don’t call. My day is filled with meetings, more meetings, and catching up on emails. I don’t have time to talk, I did however answer the call to say I was in a meeting. A few seconds later, he sends me a message saying “why you hide yourself from me”. I am working. You need to understand that or you need to find someone who has a less taxing job which means that they are ever ready to pick up your call.

The last straw was a conversation that occurred just before I had to block him. I had to, it was all becoming too freaky for me.  So this guy, has only seen my picture, we haven’t really had much of a conversation, he doesn’t know what I do for a living (apart from that I have meetings on Monday morning). He doesn’t know my likes, dislikes, that I do like a glass of wine, or two sometimes three. He says that this brother has told him that I am a God fearing and respectful person and that he sees good things for the both of us. He then asked how we are going to meet, nothing about buying me a ticket though, (yes I could buy my own ticket, but I am not the one asking for a date). I told him not to count his chickens before they are hatched. I think that phrase went over his head.

He then says “I love you ok”, I said you have to get to know each other before you can say you love someone. Like will you take a bullet for me, would you donate a kidney if I need one? Like seriously, I know I am one of the world’s worst romantics but even I wouldn’t be using those words without even knowing a person’s last name. So yes, I had to block him, it was all becoming a bit unbecoming and in his mind, we had our common friend God so surely it was meant to be. Yes it is one of the best qualities in finding a mate, but there are so many other variables to finding a compatible mate.

So as much as my brother tried, this is not the one.

So now that’s me, back on the single’s train.