Hi folks, long time, I am going to say it now, life is boring, it’s work, home and church for me. My new year’s resolution is to get a life. The weather has turned cold and all I do is go home on a Friday and resurface on a Monday to start my week except for the few hours on a Sunday when I am in church.
It’s been a year since I joined my church and I have even surprised myself that I am still as active as I am. I love my people, but going to a mainly Ghanaian church means more “aunties, uncles, brothers and sisters” to give unsolicited advice/comment about my life. I have taken to applying my work laugh A LOT around my new found family, (you know the fake one that you give you give to your boss while having visions of ripping of their face). I have put together the top 10 commentary just for laughs, some of you may have heard them too, and what I would like to say in response (it’s all just for laughs oo). It’s mainly about my marital status, my weight and my authenticity as a Ghanaian.
- The most popular one of the bunch “so why are you not married yet, what are you waiting for”, because obviously I walk past that long queue of gentlemen callers and simply decided to knock them all back;
- About a month later – “so you are still single, we will pray over it”, God is either thinking her again, or they are lying;
- “You look much younger than your age, it’s a shame, I would have given you my son, but you are a bit old” I’ve seen your son, even if he was my age, I would say no;
- “I have a friend I will introduce you to”, I say no more, read my piece titled I want a God-fearing man;
- “If it weren’t for my wife, I would have married you”, please thank the good Lord that you are already married because no you wouldn’t have been with me my friend ;
- “You look like you are living good, and not in a good way” I know I have put on weight, but glass houses and all that ;
- “Oh you have lost weight, you look much better now, you were getting too fat”, yes it’s been a year, get over it, and while I think about it and you are still fat, so now what;
- (Speaking to the person next to me) – “Does she understand twi?”, now this gets my blood boiling on so many levels. First of all, if you are going to ask me that question, ask me, and only ask me that question when we have established some kind of friendship. If the language I speak or don’t speak is a requirement of having any type of conversation with you, I really don’t want to talk to you. In fact don’t talk to me unless it’s absolutely necessary as you’ve pissed me off;
- “Do you understand twi?”, do you understand English? It doesn’t annoy me as much as See above. Don’t ask me that question when you don’t even say Good morning to me when you see me;
- “Have you been to Ghana before”, I have not asked your immigration status so why do you ask me if I have been to Ghana.