Since my dad shipped out to Ghana for a while, it’s been pretty quiet. Him and smother are like chalk and cheese when it comes to friends. She has like one, he seems to know every Ghanaian living in the UK. Now that he has retired, you never know who is going to pop in for a cup of tea (or a shot of Brandy) and the older I get the more that they have taken my “singleness” so personal.

The comments/questions have been harsher but of course they are my aunties/uncle (as a Ghanaian, any elder is an aunt or uncle even if not directly related) so I just have to grin and bear it. The main one’s are:

• So, what are you waiting for? I put a question mark at the end of this, but it is more of a statement than a question, they don’t really want to know the answer. Now if this were to be a question, it would imply that there is someone waiting in the wings that I am stringing along or there is a queue of suitors outside my front door and I am batting them off with a stick. If only.

• Maybe it’s because you have put on weight. Men like big bum’s but sometimes it can be too much you know. I’ve managed to drop a couple of dress sizes in the past couple of years, but I have heard this comment. – This coming from an aunt who was a size 20 when I was a size 12 – 14, I guess the moral of her story was to let yourself go after you secure the bag.

• You’re not getting any younger, just get yourself pregnant – sure, why didn’t I think of that, because I don’t know of any single parents out there. I’m also sure if I had a fatherless child that would be a whole other controversy.

• Is it because you don’t cook – the assumption here being that I don’t cook (again a statement rather than a question). I actually enjoy cooking when I have the time, I know I have my faults but the ability to cook something other than cheese on toast. I’m not sure though if the ability to cook is a pre-requisite to catching a man though because I know a lot of Ghanaian girls who can’t/won’t cook and they are doing ok.

• Maybe you need to lower your standards a bit – let me think about that one….erm, no

• You should come to my church – *crickets*

• So you were in Ghana for all those years, not even one – oh there were a few but I’m still single, what does that tell you

• I have someone who is looking for a wife – I have PTST from some of the guys I have been introduced to, don’t want to go into too much details before it sparks up again.

• Time is not on your side oo – thanks but I’m still alive an kicking, not out of the race just yet.

•  Are you sure, well *pause* you know – yes I like men, but thanks for the concern.

It’s all good though, what would I do without having African elders in my laugh, I would have nothing to talk about.