I hate social media, I read an article, then I read the comments, and then I get angry at the comments, then I get angry at myself for getting worked up, yet it’s the world we live in. I put my phone down, 20 minutes later I repeat. The article which got me a little bit riled was regarding the reality show Love Island. I don’t watch it, I think I watched 5 minutes of it last season and fell asleep, it was one of the longest 5 minutes of my life, I am not judging my many friends who watch it. It just isn’t for me. The other reason I don’t watch it is that there is always the token black girl who nobody wants and ends up leaving first and it hurts me (don’t ask me why I take that so personally, I am a sensitive person).
Speaking of the black girl, I can’t remember if she wrote the article or she was interviewed but it was along the lines that black girls will never win Love Island and she went into detail as to why. In the comments section there was a lot of backlash from what I understand to be my paler faced counterparts basically telling her to get over herself, one person said what’s her problem, one of “your lot” one this year. I am not going to go into detail as to why the statement was all kinds of wrong, you either think it is or you don’t, what I would say is that the lady in question was mixed race her father of black heritage and the mother white. Why does this make a difference:
In the totem pole of life in the west you have the level of attractiveness goes as follows, the blonde lady, the brunette lady, the mixed heritage lady (or other “exotic looking”), the ginger lady and the black lady. It’s not everyone’s standard but I am generalising. I also generalise the black lady as although we come in all different shapes and sizes and shades, we are seen as light or dark (don’t argue with me, even some make up brands only sell two shades for black women).
In addition to being on the last rung of the totem pole we also have this label that seems to follow us “the angry black woman”. If my paler face counterparts have resting bitch face they get asked “what’s wrong babe”, a black women has resting bitch face and they are making the world feel uncomfortable with their anger.
I am not a confrontational person, I grew up with 3 other females all with larger than life personalities and I was always made to feel like I have to be the responsible one. With that instilled in my psyche, I have learnt to keep quiet in an argument or walk away, not always the best as it does end up festering at times but that’s between me and my therapist..lol
On the rare occasion I have had to speak my mind in a setting outside my family, I have been told “easy, no need to get so angry” – i.e., angry black woman. So I keep quiet, there is no “what’s wrong babe”, I am told rather that I am being intimidating. Now, I’m 5 ft 4” (163 cm), how, who or what am I intimidating exactly. I should be intimidated by the fact that I am with a group of people who don’t look like me, who’s culture is totally different from mine and where I am the minority. Plus I’m short and the majority of these people are much taller than me yet I am intimidating?
So yes, the young lady had a point that she would never win love Island, and there it appears that the further lighter on the colour spectrum the perception is more passive and the darker, the more aggressive so whatever she said she was always going to be seen as an angry black women. Which is quite sad considering we are in the midst of this #metoo movement, looks like the buck stops before it gets to the likes of me.
However in conclusion, we come in all shapes and sizes and shades, we are allowed to get angry without being labelled angry black woman and we can get upset about injustice without being told to get over ourselves because that’s our reality. Thank you.