I made a conscience decision not to write too much about my relationships. Although in the past I have laid it all out there, as I have grown older I didn’t want to give too much information. However, when certain situations happen, it’s good to put it out there. As I said, when I started writing, and people started reading, I wanted to leave a message even if somebody read my journey and could identify with my struggle and feel “it’s not just me then”.
So, I have just come out of a “relationship”, I use the term loosely as I may have convinced myself of it in my romantic mind but the reality was somewhat different. It was a long distance one and well I’m not that great with relationships in my own city so tried not to catch feelings too much that is until I did. We had met in Ghana but he lived out in the States, and in the beginning he was doing the calling and we would talk all the time, we even discussed the possibility of living in the same country However, after a couple of visits, I realised that it must have become all too real for him and something just didn’t feel right.
I have always been an instinctual person, issues arise when I ignore them and forge on ahead, and this one was no different. What had been an every day conversation was reduced to a “how are you” WhatsApp message, once every couple of days and 8 month’s in, I started to feel like a side chick. That’s when I had to reiterate the point that when I met him, I told him I was looking for a relationship, I was neither looking for a friends with benefits or an international booty call so he needs to be straight with what he wants or let me go. A week later he sends me a message along the lines of “it’s not you, it’s me”, I’d make a great wife but wrong timing, but he is here for me and all the other patronising lines a guy uses to backtrack his way out of a grown up relationship. If I had been a cartoon character, in that minute, I would have turned bright red with steam coming out of my face. This is something that I have heard many times and it sucks.
First of all, it’s not me, I know that, I was minding my own business when he approached me. Secondly, I had no plans to enter into a long distance relationship, my plan was to enjoy more time in Ghana and be on my merry way, just because you see something and you like it, doesn’t mean that you have to have it.
Now I know, guys will say whatever a girl wants to hear to get what they want, but here’s a novel idea. Tell the truth. When a girl says she is looking for a relationship, she doesn’t mean string her along for nearly a year then act like an arse until she gives up. There are actually girls out there, very pretty girls at that, who are not looking for a relationship, she’s out there if you look hard enough. Yes, I like to go out once in a while and enjoy the communion wine, doesn’t make me the one though. I am also a homebody who likes good company and believe it or not, spends most evenings watching TV as opposed to going out to get drunk and get laid. I will tell you that from day 1 and my feelings don’t change on day 301.
Ladies, if a guy is acting like he’s not that into you. Chances are, he’s not. Whether it be physically or mentally, if your gut is telling you he’s not the one, he is not the one. Make your feelings known and keep on telling him until it finally sinks in, if he goes running for the hills, then your time has not been wasted and you will not have missed someone who obviously was not yours to begin with.
On a positive note, I did learn one thing. As you know, it has always been in my plan to go back to Ghana. This person did open me up to the idea of taking a slight detour if Ghana doesn’t pan out immediately. It could be the US if Mr Trump allows me in the country, or I was thinking Canada (although their winters are a bit brutal). The world is my oyster (maybe not Australia though as it is way too far). My options are there though and while I am in this employment transition period, I don’t have to limit where I go next. So I take that positive gem as I get back on the bus and keep it moving.