That’s the corny line I was fed at 6am on my way to the office. I felt like saying “no fool, why the heck will I be wasting precious dream hours thinking about you”. But I said “no” and laughed it off. I’m too polite but it was way to early in the morning to get anything else. I thought I had heard it all. Heaven must be missing an angel. Your feet must be tired as you have been running through my mind the whole day. I would really like to f*** you right now (some inbred waste of space made the grave mistake of being so forward). I want to make lorve to you (some francophone guy said that). But did you dream about me, or hope you dream about me tonight. What’s that all about. The anglophone African guys say that a lot, don’t know science or how dreams work but don’t know if a girl automatically can dream about a guy just because he says so. Most of the time I know I’ve dreamt about something but by the time I have woken up I’ve forgotten.
But it’s got me thinking about the weird and wonderful men who have dared to ask or attempted to get in my path and then crashed and burnt without so much as a kiss goodbye.
There was one guy, Nana, he kept asking to come to my house. I’m thinking n**a, why don’t you have a home that you want to come around to mine. One day late at night he called me and he invited himself round. It was the way he asked that creeped me out the most, “can I see your house” like he was a house inspector or something, I said it was late and he said he could lay by my side, like why? What’s worse is he claimed to be a pastor and he omitted to tell me he was engaged to be married. But anyway, his feeble attempt didn’t even get him to the front gate.
Then there was Mark, he asked me out to eat Omotuo (rice balls with peanut butter soup with meat of your choice for those who don’t know). How can a girl refuse Omotouo. I think he didn’t ever think I would accept and did not think beyond the getting me to the chop bar. Nice guy, but he just didn’t know what to say. I tried to get the conversation going, cracked a few jokes, but it got too exhausting as I was doing all the talking, and I am not a big talker naturally so it was a case of “cheque please”.
Then there was Henry, we went for a drink at African Regent. He did talk but I think Mark had the right idea when he said nothing at all. He asked me how I was coping with the food. He had either not travelled and/or couldn’t cook. I think I would be about 300 pounds if my diet consisted of burgers and chips or pie and mash. Had he travelled he would know that there is Ghanaian food everywhere, that is usually a turn off for me, because not in a bad way, if you haven’t seen the inside of any airport let alone Kotoka it is a deal breaker for me. Nothing bad about not being travelled but I am not your typical Ghanaian lady having been born outside but its difficult to understand and not have pre-conceived ideas which I don’t have the time to explain so its better I meet someone who already understands. But it wasn’t his fault. He had pee’d me off a bit with his stereotypical view of what he thought “abroad” was like, and was quite patronizing in his conclusion that I knew nothing about Ghana, the culture or the language, but I just kept quiet, smiled and then checked out. The date was in december. I hardly spoke to him since the date, then I got a text on new years day, happy new year, the year was going to be “our year” and he has found the one he wants to marry. Really, he got that from me saying pretty much nothing.
There was this guy I met at the spot the other day. He said he had seen me a few times and finally got the courage to speak to me. At first he thought I was francophone, I told him that I was from here. He didn’t believe me (I get that a lot). We got chatting and he asked me how many siblings I had. Had I known it was going to open a Pandora’s box I would have said I was an only child. He then proceeds to tell me he was an only child and his mother had him at the age of 50, I am sure he had a tear in his eye when he let out a sigh and told me how his father had since past and how he felt when he was at boarding school and his friends siblings and parents would come to visit but by that time his parents were old and having no siblings he would be there alone. As much as I was feeling the pain for this guy counselling comes at a fee and he was getting this all off his chest for free. All I could do is throw him a few clichés like, this has made him the man he is today, and he’s a lot stronger for it. What else could I say. If this was his method for chatting up a girl, well a bit too much information for a first meeting, what would come up at the first date, it could be a full on tears and opening of more flood gates.
It was so much easier back in the day when a boy showed how much he liked a girl just by pulling on her pony tail, or putting a frog/spider in her satchel.