I have a cousin who is always on Facebook. She has a lot of opinions and some days she really leaves her feelings on the table. Can she be harsh sometimes? Some would say yes, I see someone who is passionate about what she believes in (I may just be biased). Where she sees injustice, she won’t hold back in coming forward and she certainly doesn’t take any prisoners. I actually admire that about her, she said what she said, you can agree or disagree (as is your basic human right) but as my late Grandma would say “I’ve said it”.
Yesterday’s topic was on the perception of single female, especially in the African community, from the perspective of your average married African woman.
You would think in the days of #metoo and #timesup, we would be doing more to uplift our sisters. You would think we would do more to empower ourselves in the workplace, the home and society in general, but do we really? We say that we don’t like a certain female because she is a “hater” or she is “jealous” etc… but is she really, or is it our own insecurities projecting unto our fellow ladies. One area my cousin touched on was the single parents. I don’t know why people have an issue with a woman who says, you know what, I don’t have a man in my life, but I am going to raise this child that I brought into this world the best way I can.
I have a good friend who has a son, she didn’t plan on being a single parent but that’s the situation she found herself in. When I tell you that this boy is destined for greatness, you just cannot imagine. At his young age he is more techno savvy than it has taken me over 40 years to get to, he is very articulate as a toddler, plus he is one of the most caring little boys that I know. I also have a cousin, she has two children, they are probably more well-adjusted in their teenage years then I ever was, and I was raised in a two parent household. In both cases, they work, they take care of their kids (very well I might add). They don’t ask anyone for money for food, clothes or shelter. So why should another female look down on them or give the a side eye just because one has a man in the house and the other one doesn’t.
I have found though that there is another type of female that is looked down more than the single parent, and that is the single female (over a certain age) without children. The “baron” woman. What on earth is wrong with this woman that she is still single (because obviously it’s her fault). Obviously either there is something wrong with her or she is a straight up Ashawo (prostitute).
I remember going to a party in Ghana once and seeing physical pain on a man’s face where his wife had held onto his hand so tight that it started to turn blue. Now I wasn’t looking at the guy. I was at this party as a single person yes, but I like to observe people and it did make me chuckle.
You see, not every single lady is after a married man, at my age, to me it is like eating somebody’s food while I am waiting for my own to arrive. It’s not going to happen and if I never got my plate of food, I will be fine.
Now, I can only speak for myself, but at the age of 41, I would have liked to have had a husband and children of my own, but chances are it is less likely now and I am ok with that. To be honest, I have been single for so long that it is really going to take someone special to come into my life because I have become so selfish and so used to my own space. In the meantime, I have Godchildren, nieces, nephews and friends children. My only hope today is that I go to my grave leaving a legacy and at the very least, one of those children remember their Auntie Efia.
In the last couple of years I have taken my faith more seriously and one thing I know is that whatever God’s plan, I will except it and be content with it. He has been so gracious in adding people in my life (and subtracting them too) why do I need to add someone’s husband into the equation to complicate my life.
Now I am not saying that there are not women out there who do not prey on married men. There are some women who intentionally date married men for whatever reason, that’s their business. Just like I am not saying all men are cheats, there are some that are loyal and faithful while others just can’t keep it in their pants. Happy for you if you have the former, sorry for you if you have the latter, but once again, not my business.
What I am saying is, judge people for their character and not their label/marital status. As sisters, let’s do more to help each other, empower each other, and get to know each other. At the very least, you might just find one really good friend.