I went to MTN today, I had to pick up a cheque firstly but also its the closest thing I have to “home”. If I had the money I would have gone back to London, my home where although after 10 days I am biting at the walls to get back to Ghana, but my parents, sisters, cousins and my friends are. The people who were there for me when things went pear shaped with William, when I needed to get away from the people in my office. But this time every penny I have is going to my house so it was good to get back to the place where I was not about processes and best practices but where the people who cared about me, who were happy to see me would be.
Of course it was not all flowers and honey but I had made some good friends. On the 8th floor was my marketing pals, 10th floor the finance pals and on the 11th floor my procurement family and of course Sampson in H.R who restored my faith in that department in the whole world at least I have met one person in Human Resources that is actually human.
Evelyn was busy so went round to say hi to a few people and had asked Randy to get some information for me. I could have gone back to my office but today I just needed the attention. I have to admit my ego has been bruised and I am wondering if I am ever going to find that elusive prince but for today I made do with Randy…shouldn’t have done it thought.
Randy epitomises all the issues I have with guys, they see me as attractive and smart but they don’t want to see that part of me that puts her heart on her sleeve, is very emotional and says things as she sees it. So what do they do, try and mold me into that person who should act the way she looks.
He called me an arsehole, its not the first time but I take it as a complement, I am me, I am unique, take me as you find me. I can change but it would only be short term because I will forget myself and go back to being me. Yes there are some things that I should tone down but should I change my whole being, for a man? Especially one who wants a bit on the side. I think its too much a compromise.
I listened to what he had to say, but like any drug, weed, cigarettes, booze, attention, it wares off in time, and his wore off pretty fast.
So here I am now, sober, watching re-runs of one tree hill. Grimm hasn’t bothered to even call to ask if I am ok. Think it says it all, I should forget, but as I said, I wear my heart on my sleeve, its going to take a while…